Meeting #2747, Apr 5 1990 PDF Print E-mail

 by Matthew B. Tepper, Mini-Scribe

See what the noise in the back room will have -- and that could well have been the motto as President Bruce pounded the San Diego Grocers' Association gavel at 20:12. As if in timid response, the minutes of the previous week were read, nitpicked, and finally approved as geographed. A Treasurer's report sounded a warning, as we'd had nine scuzzy deadbeats the week before. At least there had been donations in excess of $160 to help make up.

The week's saint was Duck Chonahue Chuck Donahue II, and Chuck had handed out groggers and noisemakers before the meeting began. When the time came, he donned a pair of pantomime wings, and looked like a refugee from a road-company production of "Iolanthe." Someone said he needed a halo, whereupon Mr. Donahue produced one and perched it atop his head, in time for us to sound three cheers -- and lots of noise -- in his honor! Bruce even rang the bell, commenting, "It just shows you can buy anything!" St. Chuck produced fortune cookies for all; how very saintly!

Galen Tripp, newly bleached blond (it worked for Casey, didn't it?), introduced two guests, Barry Pelissier and Rick Moore. And Sam Martinez, as the Stamp Collecting Committee, thanked Gary Louie for donating a hologram envelope to the club's collection.

Surveying the idiotic scene recently past, Bruce observed, "There are times when one is not proud of being an officer of this club: usually at least once a week!"

Committee reports: Dave Evert launched Surrealism by reporting on a company offering UFO abduction insurance. Payoffs include one for psychiatric care if the aliens don't treat you nice, and a sarcasm payment to pay you back for the way your family and friends treat you afterwards. Right.

Leigh Strother-Vien, Librarian, reported that the total of missing Library items was 78, of which there were some dupes available, so we need only buy about 50 books as replacements.

Fred Patten added more surrealism with a couple of items from the Wall Street Journal. The first told how American food products are so popular in Japan that local companies invent their own foods that have never been on this side of the Pacific. The second was a new Romania report, about the unfinished palace that Ceausescu ordered built, and re-built, to endless kibitzing. The place makes Versailles look like Freehafer Hall!

Francis Hamit had a report, too: "Putridity?" someone asked. "No, Surrealism," he replied. It seems that Sony's book of directions for setting the timer on a VCR used December 7 as an example. A day that will live in Betamax....

Doug Crepeau mentioned a picture in the Los Angeles Times which showed 35 xenon atoms spelling out "IBM." And Frank Gasperik told an involved story about a Japanese company that used all sorts of underhanded tactics to blow away a company that was their own American division.

Galen said that De Profundis was available in the back of the room, and indeed, it was. Carol Ann Cranston had a couple of petitions for conservationist causes. And Frank Waller mentioned a gaming store, "The Zone," where "the more you buy, the more off you get." Right.

Back to surrealism, as Ed Green told of a New York doctor who specializes in hemorrhoids and other rectal problems. His number is 1-800-MD-TUSCH. And apparently the worst cabbie in New York has been undercut by the weirdest cabbie in Aspen, Colorado, whose cab has synthesizers, disco lights, a fog machine, and a gift shop in the trunk. The governor of some state (Missouri?) got into trouble using not a line-item veto, but a letter-item veto, which has let him alter the meanings of some legislation he's signed. And lastly, a Soviet mentalist named Frenkel was so convinced that he could stop an oncoming train that he actually tried it: Toot! Toot! Psychic butter!

Judy Lazar told of a widget called a "vitalizer" which supposedly helps your gas mileage. It probably does a better job filling the pockets of its manufacturer. And she said that Time-Life Books is now shipping their "Mysteries of the Unknown" series, but now includes seven "power crystals." Dilithium, perhaps?

Rick Foss told of a car-wash with the motto, "We wash anything portable," and suggested they be tested with, say, a pit bull, or five pounds of potassium. Ed Green suggested washing the pit bull with the potassium.

Announcements: Bruce showed a gift to the club from Shirley and Hare Hobbs: a vial of polystyrene spheres manufactured aboard Challenger, the first such manufactured in space.

Tom Safer said that episodes of the original "Twilight Zone" were being released to home video. Stuart Cobb said that today saw the launch of Pegasus, the first privately-funded spacecraft. Ed Green observed that it was launched by the same B-52 that launched the X-15.

Charles Lee Jackson II said that KCET was showing something interesting to him for a change, a Scottish TV SF comedy series called "Red Dwarf."

Bruce Pelz announced that LACon III's bid for the 1996 Worldcon is being publicized with the issuance of stickers for the sticker book. You can pick up one sticker at each LACon bidding party at any of several cons, and/or buy one "older" sticker at each such occasion, at a dollar a throw. Those of us who live in LA can buy any number of stickers at the same price. And if you fill your book with 20 stickers and vote for the site-selection for 1996, your supporting membership will be converted to attending. Such a deal! Oh yeah -- the stickers are themed after movies, with so many rat-related titles that the margin of these minutes is to small to contain them.

Francis Hamit said that he would be guest-editing an issue of the American Intelligence Journal, and was looking for appropriate contributions. No, they don't sell their mailing list.

Richard Costas enjoyed a concert by a rock band called Rush, whose song lyrics address important contemporary issues. Their lyricist has a Ph.D. in English. Is that more useful than, say, degrees in Library Science and Musicology?

And so, rather than kill us by degrees, Bruce adjourned the meeting at 21:10 to tonight's program of "Time for Beany" and 50's science fiction television shows.

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