Meeting #3100 Jan 9, 1997 PDF Print E-mail

President: Christian McGuire
Scribe: Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

The 3100th meeting of the LASFS was call to order by President Christian McGuire at 8:10 pm. Rob Cole promptly moved to adjourn. Acknowledging that a motion to adjourn is always in order, our fearless leader nonetheless declared it premature.

MENACE: There being no special orders of business, Beth O'Brien was called on to read the Menace of the last meeting. The gallant Mike Thorsen sprang to the damsel's rescue and supplied a functioning microphone for her faltering voice. Christian offered a correction which was promptly rejected when the scribe offered to replay the item on the tape. Christian backed down, muttering about the missing 17 minutes on the tape. Other corrections were made as necessary. The crowd was in an unusually gentle and complimentary mood and the maiden effort was approved as dulcetted.

PATRON SAINT: An emissary was sent to request the personal appearance of Patron Saint Bruce Pelz, who was in the outer darkness selling books. While we waited, Tom Safer asked for an explanation of the various other levels above sainthood. Christian responded. Ed Green noted that there were several sacred objects present in the room, including Bob Null the Sacred Nothing, Elayne Pelz the Sacred Spryngbok, and Sandy Cohen the Sacred Chocolate. Reportedly groaning "Oh, Good God! I forgot it's that damned night!" Mr. Pelz (the Sacred Elephant) entered the hall and was given three rousing cheers and an advertisement. He promptly proceeded to hawk copies of Final Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke, which are advanced reading copies unavailable for sale but for which 99 year leases can be negotiated for a mere $8.00. The redoubtable Saint also displayed some candles in the shape of the old Hugo rocket ship, four of which he has for sale.

NEW BUSINESS: Christian next electrified the assembled fen by declaring this rarest of agenda items. A committee of concerned individuals had submitted the following motion for consideration by the club:

LASFS has its own peculiar collection of neologisms, parlance, slang, jargon and/or patois;
Said LASFS slang pervades the life of the average member, in the meetings, at parties, at gaming sessions and other occasions;
Such LASFS verbiage is sufficiently remarkable and distinct as to be considered almost a separate language;
The LASFS is an impecunious charitable organization which probably wouldn't turn down a handout of Federal funds;
The LASFS' own peculiar lingo be declared a new and separate language, to be called MORONICS.

The perpetrators of the proposal were Matthew Tepper, Joe Zeff, Paula Evans, Hare Hobbs, Greg Barrett, Lucy Stern, Glen Olson, Rob Cole, Mike Glyer, and Daniel J. Alderson, whom death has not released. Captivating Janis Olson had offered a friendly amendment, which had been accepted by the proposer, that the word <MORONICS> be replaced by <FANACONICS>. Brilliantly sensing the mood of the crowd, President McGuire called for a vote on the amendment, which failed by a vote of 11 to 13. Discussion was closed and the original motion passed, many to few. Mike Glyer suggested that a committee be appointed to translate the motion into MORONICS. Janis Olson was appointed Chair of the Subcommittee, and Christian gleefully appointed Mike Glyer to it. Deciding a philosopher would be appropriate, Ulrika O'Brien was asked to join and replied "Oh, sure!" Ed Green asked that it be noted in the Menace that clearly we are living up to our new language already because they all said yes when asked to volunteer. Glen Olson asked who should draft our request to the federal government for funds. Christian deferred the decision until the draft was prepared. Ed Green suggested setting a deadline for completion of the project, say the standard 900 years. Christian set a deadline of 900 years and 1 day and noted that it is the responsibility of the Comptroller to pass the request on to the federal government.

GUESTS: Hardworking and alluring Registrar Selina Phanara had a slew, that is, a plethora, I say, a whole heck of a lot of guests to introduce. First was Valerie Lee from Long Beach, who learned about the LASFS from S. P. Somtow. Eric Morse from Toronto told us "It's all Robbie Cantor's fault." Eduardo, Leonardo and Jaime Lopez from Glendale learned about us from the local rag, gasp, "The L.A. Times". Tim Sullivan from Los Angeles and Robert Rundle from North Hollywood both heard of the LASFS from Mike Donahue. Tim's special fannish interest in crucifixions was cheered lustily. All our guests were welcomed with warm applause.

Auctioneer par excellence Ed Green gouged lots of money for lots of odd ball junk.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: S. P. Somtow informed the club that he would be holding a monthly reading series at Dark Delicacies book store in Burbank, usually on the third Friday of the month. In true fannish tradition, however, an almost immediate date exception will be made in February, when the reading will be held on Saturday the 15th for a promotional tie-in with Valentine's day. Spotting sages Jerry Pournelle and Larry Niven in the audience, the resourceful Mr. Somtow noted that famous authors were especially welcome to come and read.

Christian McGuire announced that SCIFI has agreed to broker a bid for a NASFiC to be known as "Los Angeles '99" and held the week before Australia's World Con. Christian is the bid chairman for the con.

Rick Foss reported that tonight's program will be a showing of "The Slayers", Volume 3, hosted by Fred Patten. Next week Lynn Maners will moderate a discussion about the best written science fiction of 1996. The program previously scheduled for January 23rd has slipped out of the foxy Mr. Foss's fingers, so there is no programmed scheduled as yet. On January 30th, Tom Safer will host a screening of Academy Award winning cartoons of 1932 through 1949. Rick asked for leads for programming related to art.

Christian announced that "De Prof" was available in the back of the room and pleaded for all those present to pick up their own copy in order to save on postage. In a dazzling display of derring-do, he then heaved his chair up on the table and harangued us to purchase a copy of same for the paltry sum of $25, in return for which a plaque with the donor's name will be plastered on the back of said chair.

Joe Zeff reported receiving an e-mail message from Mike Morris to apprise him that on Sunday, January 12, 1997 something unusual and fannish will happen: In a factory in Urbana, HAL 9000 will come to life. Christian noted that Mike Glyer had copies of "File 770" available and urged us all to buy and read this award winning fanzine.

COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Thorsen reported that the cleaning party last Sunday was successful and thanked Robbie Cantor, Bob Null, Joe Zeff, Selina Phanara, Doug Crepeau, and Theresa Trousdale for their help. He noted that Mike Mason, Gary Louie and Joyce Sperling were present to clean up the library as well. Mike noted that he wants to make the cleaning party a scheduled item for the first Sunday of each month. Y'all come.

Mike Stern again exhorted us to submit nominations for the Millennium Award before the end of the month. He then reported that Ken Rowan had won last Friday's Magic tournament. Joe Zeff noted that we might have a new source of revenue from selling sodas to one of our renters, and Tim Merrigan announced that this month's deadline for submitting items for "De Profundis" is January 23, 1997.

Ed Green apprised us of the Board of Directors meeting to be held this Sunday. The Board will be electing new officers and Ed invited all members to come and watch. Mike Thorsen chimed in that we could "watch how sausage is made."

Sliding into FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS, Tom Safer recounted the story of 20 Germans running naked in the street to win a free trip to Malaysia or Crete. Joe Zeff had a couple of Putridity from Work stories to share.

Mike Stern said he had nothing funny to report. Au contraire, Monday's winds had blown a 60 foot tree down on top of his van and he would like to be able to borrow a chain saw to cut the thing up. Mike showed a picture of his crunched van.

Rick Foss related the story of someone who tried to get out of a traffic ticket by citing Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and telling the judge that if the cop knew where he was he couldn't have known how fast he was going. The astute judge stated that if the defendant could produce either Werner Heisenberg or Isaac Newton as an expert witness, he could get off.

Tom Digby related a story of a formula to make paper out of elephant dung, which requires boiling said dung to a porridge like consistency and spreading it out to dry. Jerry Pournelle howled with glee and commented that he wants the name of a supplier, since it is the only suitable product to use to reply to certain fan letters he receives.

REVIEWS: Christian McGuire informed us that he had stumbled on a story by Isaac Asimov that he had actually never read before. He described The End of Eternity as typical: if you like Asimov you will like The End of Eternity. He noted that the book provided material for making a good case against Dr. Who writers for swiping ideas on the technical aspects of time travel.

Selina reported seeing "Evita" at the Cinerama Dome, which imported a straight screen and spread it across for the showing to please a director. Frank Waller asserted that he sells better licorice than the stuff on the table.

Bob Null noted that approximately 100 "Star Trek" cover graphics are still available from the "TV Guide On-Line" site. Eylat Eleasari reminded us that "Star Wars" is coming out on January 31st and "Babylon 5" will be airing a new episode on January 27th. Hare Hobbs urged everyone to catch a short blurb in the latest "TV Guide" about "Babylon 5" which he says is very funny and to check out Dilbert's comments, which Christian described as brilliant.

Rob Cole moved that we not adjourn, but Mike Stern moved we table that motion until after we adjourn, which carried. Phil Castora moved that we adjourn, which we did at 9:15 pm.

Respectfully submitted,
Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien  

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