Meeting #3119 May 22, 1997 PDF Print E-mail

President: Christian McGuire
Scribe: Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

Vice President Joe Zeff, a.k.a. The Guy with the Sideburns, banged the 3,119th meeting of the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society into a vague semblance of order at 8:10 p.m. on May 22, 1997.

To the relief of all, there were no SPECIAL ORDERS OF BUSINESS, so Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien was called on to read last week's MENACE. The minutes included a playful tale spun by Bruce Pelz about Robbie Cantor's little boot, prompting Emperor Charles Lee Jackson, II, to move that the Menace be accepted as Caligula'd. Motion carried.

PATRON SAINT Dee Dee Lavender was given three rousing cheers and a mauve chaser. There were no items to AUCTION, which elicited an even louder last cheer from the Scribe.

BUSINESS: The Guy with the Sideburns summarized the standings in the soda survey: Dr. Pepper is in the lead, followed by root beer (various and sundry brands) and Coca Cola - all in their leaded versions. Joe asked for some advice on how to obtain a weighted poll so that he could have an even heavier stick with which to parry complaints. In the course of the discussion, someone who doesn't seem to be clear on the concept of selling beverages for profit suggested that it might be more economical to install a water filter than to sell bottled water. Tapwater cool Ed Green moved to table the discussion of the water filter until the next Board of Directors Meeting, since the Board normally handles housekeeping and maintenance items. Motion passed. Joe also reported that hes working on transporting the new used fridge and getting it repaired on site so we can use it "real soon now...."

Acting Registrar Lucy Stern, bedecked in her proud commencement gown, introduced GUEST Drusilla Davis, who was similarly attired. Tethers and applause were provided for both.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: The Touchy Typer again noted that the Menace for meeting 3,104 were taken by Acting Scribe Phil Castora, so she cannot supply them to Editor Tim Merrigan. Quack leader Matthew Tepper flew out of his chair to report that he has been converting huge gobs of old minutes to HTML format for posting on the club's webfoot website. He's already completed those for 1994, 1995, and half of those for 1996, all of which are in addition to those he converted for the years during which the Duck served the club so ably as Scribe. Frank Waller asked if we knew how many people had logged on to the site. Webmaster Mike Stern said he didn't know because we don't have a Hit Log yet, but he's been receiving about 40 E-mail messages each day. Mike also encouraged members with web pages to link to and let him know that they have done so, so that LASFS can link back. Mike Thorsen gave some elementary instruction in how to get the sound system working - just put the switches on both amplifiers in the <ON> position.

APPOINTIVE COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Thorsen reminded members that the Committee to Remove Dirt From the LASFS will be holding a work party on Sunday June 1st beginning about noon. Tim Merrigan announced that the "De Prof" deadline is tonight. Fred Patten informed us that he has been called upon to provide an emergency program tonight since the scheduled host, Sam Frank, is unable to attend. Fred has rallied nobly and will present an hour-long video comedy. The Emperor reported that the file and retrospective of Batman previously scheduled for June 19th has been rescheduled for June 5th. Charlie told us that the magic number this week is 152. He also announced that future FWEMS programming is as follows: Put Up Your Dukes Day on June 29th; 1960's musicals on July 27th, including such goodies as "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" and "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum;" and, novelty of novelties, science fiction movies on August 31st, when most interested fans will be out of town attending Worldcon. Joe Zeff read excerpts from the Treasurer's Retort Report, which indicated a grand total of $22,291.35 in various club accounts.

REVIEWS: Len Moffatt reviewed the commencement ceremonies at Valley College, where the Duck, the Stars, and their Majesties were in attendance this afternoon to watch Lucy graduate. He noted that the ceremony wasn't like it used to be: there were no streakers and no mooners, but he did see someone in a propeller beanie taking pictures. Evelyn Gamble recently read Aftermath by LeVar Burton and opined that if the book had been written by anyone else it would have ended up on an editor's slush pile. She said that there were some good ideas, too many for one book, BUT... it's definitely not great science fiction. Matthew Tepper found the recently aired "Odyssey" full of enjoyment, although he missed the seductive call of the sirens. (So what's new, Matthew?) He described the special effects used for the Gods as fabulous. CLJII added guarded praise for the show, which was good given the time restraints. Hare Hobbs described "The Fifth Element" as more intelligent than "Independence Day." He concurred with all previous reviewers that it is gorgeous to watch. Matthew Tepper said his one hesitation with the film is that it has a French director. Noted Matthew, if you give a French writer pen and paper, you get The Three Musketeers; if you give a French painter oil and canvas, you get "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grand Jatte;" if you give a French musician writing paper and stylus, you get "La Mer;" if you give a French sculptor materials, you get "The Thinker;" but if you give a French director film stock and camera, you get wasted film stock. David Voyt noted that, even though he is legally blind, "The Fifth Element" was a very beautiful film to watch.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Stern reported that the single speaker at Lucy's commencement was a typical elected politician; every time she finished and everyone applauded, she started again...and again...and again. Hal O'Brien brought the house down with a Surrealism in Everyday Life report about the worsening Ghana Penis Snatcher Crisis. Alleged sorcerers are causing penises of victims to shrink up and disappear in order to extort cash for the promise of a cure. Televised reports by medical experts have explained in detail the causes for the increase and decrease in the size of penises. Nonetheless, folks in Ghana are getting lynched because of wide-spread ignorance of a basic law of gravity: regardless of the vector, what goes up must come down, unless there is sufficient thrust to achieve escape velocity. And in the rather special subset of items involved in the case in hand, even when there is sufficient thrust to reach "escape velocity," what goes up does come down! Joe Zeff bravely walked where no one else dared to go by following with a couple of horror stories from work.

MISCELLANEOUS: David Voyt noted that if anyone has a burning desire to possess a bed that someone has died in, there is an auction of the beds and other items from Rancho San Hale-Bopp. Mike Thorsen informed us that this is the last time he will be able to attend an evening meeting for an indefinite time. His employer is moving three buildings worth of operations into one building, and Mike will be working a different shift for several months. Mike will only be able to attend Second Sundays, FWEMS, etc. until the move is over.

Rob Cole moved to discombobulate. The motion passed, and we called it quits at 9:04 p.m.

Respectfully submitted,
Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien  

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