LASFS Minutes ("Menace")
Meeting #2747, Apr 5 1990 PDF Print E-mail

 by Matthew B. Tepper, Mini-Scribe

See what the noise in the back room will have -- and that could well have been the motto as President Bruce pounded the San Diego Grocers' Association gavel at 20:12. As if in timid response, the minutes of the previous week were read, nitpicked, and finally approved as geographed. A Treasurer's report sounded a warning, as we'd had nine scuzzy deadbeats the week before. At least there had been donations in excess of $160 to help make up.

The week's saint was Duck Chonahue Chuck Donahue II, and Chuck had handed out groggers and noisemakers before the meeting began. When the time came, he donned a pair of pantomime wings, and looked like a refugee from a road-company production of "Iolanthe." Someone said he needed a halo, whereupon Mr. Donahue produced one and perched it atop his head, in time for us to sound three cheers -- and lots of noise -- in his honor! Bruce even rang the bell, commenting, "It just shows you can buy anything!" St. Chuck produced fortune cookies for all; how very saintly!

Galen Tripp, newly bleached blond (it worked for Casey, didn't it?), introduced two guests, Barry Pelissier and Rick Moore. And Sam Martinez, as the Stamp Collecting Committee, thanked Gary Louie for donating a hologram envelope to the club's collection.

Surveying the idiotic scene recently past, Bruce observed, "There are times when one is not proud of being an officer of this club: usually at least once a week!"

Committee reports: Dave Evert launched Surrealism by reporting on a company offering UFO abduction insurance. Payoffs include one for psychiatric care if the aliens don't treat you nice, and a sarcasm payment to pay you back for the way your family and friends treat you afterwards. Right.

Leigh Strother-Vien, Librarian, reported that the total of missing Library items was 78, of which there were some dupes available, so we need only buy about 50 books as replacements.

Fred Patten added more surrealism with a couple of items from the Wall Street Journal. The first told how American food products are so popular in Japan that local companies invent their own foods that have never been on this side of the Pacific. The second was a new Romania report, about the unfinished palace that Ceausescu ordered built, and re-built, to endless kibitzing. The place makes Versailles look like Freehafer Hall!

Francis Hamit had a report, too: "Putridity?" someone asked. "No, Surrealism," he replied. It seems that Sony's book of directions for setting the timer on a VCR used December 7 as an example. A day that will live in Betamax....

Doug Crepeau mentioned a picture in the Los Angeles Times which showed 35 xenon atoms spelling out "IBM." And Frank Gasperik told an involved story about a Japanese company that used all sorts of underhanded tactics to blow away a company that was their own American division.

Galen said that De Profundis was available in the back of the room, and indeed, it was. Carol Ann Cranston had a couple of petitions for conservationist causes. And Frank Waller mentioned a gaming store, "The Zone," where "the more you buy, the more off you get." Right.

Back to surrealism, as Ed Green told of a New York doctor who specializes in hemorrhoids and other rectal problems. His number is 1-800-MD-TUSCH. And apparently the worst cabbie in New York has been undercut by the weirdest cabbie in Aspen, Colorado, whose cab has synthesizers, disco lights, a fog machine, and a gift shop in the trunk. The governor of some state (Missouri?) got into trouble using not a line-item veto, but a letter-item veto, which has let him alter the meanings of some legislation he's signed. And lastly, a Soviet mentalist named Frenkel was so convinced that he could stop an oncoming train that he actually tried it: Toot! Toot! Psychic butter!

Judy Lazar told of a widget called a "vitalizer" which supposedly helps your gas mileage. It probably does a better job filling the pockets of its manufacturer. And she said that Time-Life Books is now shipping their "Mysteries of the Unknown" series, but now includes seven "power crystals." Dilithium, perhaps?

Rick Foss told of a car-wash with the motto, "We wash anything portable," and suggested they be tested with, say, a pit bull, or five pounds of potassium. Ed Green suggested washing the pit bull with the potassium.

Announcements: Bruce showed a gift to the club from Shirley and Hare Hobbs: a vial of polystyrene spheres manufactured aboard Challenger, the first such manufactured in space.

Tom Safer said that episodes of the original "Twilight Zone" were being released to home video. Stuart Cobb said that today saw the launch of Pegasus, the first privately-funded spacecraft. Ed Green observed that it was launched by the same B-52 that launched the X-15.

Charles Lee Jackson II said that KCET was showing something interesting to him for a change, a Scottish TV SF comedy series called "Red Dwarf."

Bruce Pelz announced that LACon III's bid for the 1996 Worldcon is being publicized with the issuance of stickers for the sticker book. You can pick up one sticker at each LACon bidding party at any of several cons, and/or buy one "older" sticker at each such occasion, at a dollar a throw. Those of us who live in LA can buy any number of stickers at the same price. And if you fill your book with 20 stickers and vote for the site-selection for 1996, your supporting membership will be converted to attending. Such a deal! Oh yeah -- the stickers are themed after movies, with so many rat-related titles that the margin of these minutes is to small to contain them.

Francis Hamit said that he would be guest-editing an issue of the American Intelligence Journal, and was looking for appropriate contributions. No, they don't sell their mailing list.

Richard Costas enjoyed a concert by a rock band called Rush, whose song lyrics address important contemporary issues. Their lyricist has a Ph.D. in English. Is that more useful than, say, degrees in Library Science and Musicology?

And so, rather than kill us by degrees, Bruce adjourned the meeting at 21:10 to tonight's program of "Time for Beany" and 50's science fiction television shows.

Meeting #3103 Jan 30, 1997 PDF Print E-mail

President: Christian McGuire
Scribe: Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

President Christian McGuire called the 3,103rd meeting of the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society to order at 8:13 p.m. Complete Contrarian Rob Cole confounded Christian by moving that we not adjourn. After everyone finished doing a doubletake, the motion was dis-ignored and passed with vigor.

There were no SPECIAL ORDERS OF BUSINESS. However, Christian inquired of Charles Lee Jackson, II whether there was any report about Don Fitch. The Emperor informed the club that Don was recovering from a heart problem in a hospital other than those where he had been expected and was OK. ADDENDUM: June Moffatt reported on February 13, 1997 that she had seen Don Fitch the previous weekend, and he was apparently hale and healthy. However, his hearing aid was not working properly, and he couldn't hear a thing.

MENACE: The scribe was called on to read the Menace of the previous meeting. The minutes were accepted as massively nit-picked on the motion of champion nit-picker Joe Zeff.

PATRON SAINT Mike Luwish was given three rousing cheers and Dean Martin (as in Jerry Luwish). Chairman of the Board Ed Green was called on to conduct the weekly money gouge. Annoyed at the low bids accepted for parking spaces in her absence last month, non-driver Robbie Cantor bid $30 each for the Alderson and Buchman spaces. However, she was willing to allow Mike Thorsen to low bid the Chalfin position and take it for a mere $29.96. Rising to the challenge, the gallant gentleman promptly overbid himself by his traditional $.09 and took it for $30.05. Charlie Jackson was delighted with the generous parking space bids, commenting that the money raised would more than pay for the copies of "The Crawling Eye" and "The Giant Leeches" that he had purchased for the club.

After musing about where the club was going to keep the giant leeches, Christian announced that there was no new BUSINESS. He then asked for a report from the Moronics committee. Mike Glyer informed the club that, due to the hyper-efficiency of the previous dimension, the committee had failed to compile their data, correlate their facts, or collate their BS and asked for a further extension of the process. Ed Green moved that the deadline be extended until the next alternate dimension provides the reports of its committee and that we ask them for proof before we submit ours. Christian offered the friendly amendment that we actually wait until there is an auction for this decision in the next dimension. Ed willingly and happily accepted the amendment. The amended motion passed many to one, who was ordered out of the room by Prez McGuire.

Registrar Selina Phanara introduced GUESTS Steve Chaney from Sierra Madre, who learned about LASFS online, and Jeffrey L. Koehn of Ontario, who knew of us from fandom.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Rick Foss announced upcoming programs at the club: next week Charlie will host a film, and on February 13th Jeff Lauby of Lockheed Martin will speak on the X33 program. The following two weeks will feature screenings of the six parts of the British serial "Neverwhere", and on March 6th UCLA Law Professor Eugene Volokh, a former clerk for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, will speak on Law in Cyberspace, both its current state and what we will need in the future for law in this area. Ah, yes, a lawyer's dream: Freedom of Speech vs. Invasion of Privacy, the Written Constitution vs. the Virtual Constitution, legal fees ad infinitum.

Mike Thorsen announced that the cleaning party scheduled for February 2nd has been displaced by a last minute rental of the clubhouse and the next cleaning party will occur on the first Sunday in March. Mike Stern announced that this is the last week to submit nominations for the "Millennium" awards. Matthew Tepper informed us that Gary Oldman has been cast as Dr. Zachary Smith in the upcoming theatrical film of "Lost in Space," beating out Tim Robbins and Kenneth Branagh. Rick Foss announced that there will be a lecture at Cal Tech on February 19th titled "Return to Mars Twenty Years After Viking."

Charles Jackson announced that LASFS member Bea Barrio (Buchman) will be starring in a production of the melodrama "Love Rides the Rails or Will the Mail Train Run Tonight?" in Altadena. Details are available on a flyer posted in the front building. Christian pitched the upcoming Gallifrey, which will take place at the Airtel Hotel in Van Nuys from February 14th through the 16th. He also informed us that bids for LOSCON 25 will be presented to the Board on February 13th, brief bid presentations will be made to the membership on February 20th, and the club will vote on bids on February 27th.

APPOINTIVE COMMITTEE REPORTS: Tim Merrigan notified us that the next "De Prof" deadline is February 20th, Christian tried yet again to sell some more chairs, and Mike Stern reported that the next Magic Tournament will occur in one week.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Joe Zeff subjected us to his weekly horror stories from work. Joanne Dow informed us that Roman Polansky will be directing a film production of Anne Rice's Interview With a Vampire as an opera. (Somehow the thought of a scene with a vampire singing an operatic solo while sucking blood stupefies this scribe.) Ed Green, on behalf of the Committee to Tell Us that Science Fiction is a Perishable Topic, reported that he is about to participate in a project in which two battalions of the California Army National Guard will defend a beachhead against an amphibious assault by marines at Camp Pendleton. Ed noted that of particular interest is the fact that the marines will be supported by a battalion of Russian Naval Infantry, the first naval amphibious combined operation between the U.S. and the former Soviet Union in history. Ed opined that he really would have preferred fighting against them, since then all you had to do was kill them, but now you have to work with them, which is very demanding. Len Moffatt asked if naval infantry marches on water, to which Christian replied "No, on their stomachs."

REVIEWS: Christian announced that for the first time in his life he finally got onto the Net and raved about, a place to buy books. He was astounded at the depth of availability of such authors as Isaac Asimov, and said that if Bruce weren't selling books outside he would order books exclusively online. Selina reported favorably on a production of "Into the Woods", which she highly recommends for Sondheim fans. Tim Merrigan saw Franco Zefferelli's production of "Romeo and Juliet" this week and doesn't know what all the fuss was about. Mike Stern enjoyed reading Mercedes Lackey's book A Cast of Corbies. Don Wenner informed us of a song called "Voyage Around the World" done in 1960's instrumental style by a group called Saturn Five. Allan Rothstein shared that Albert Brooks' character in the current movie "Mother" is a science fiction novelist in California, noting that our own Larry Niven asleep is smarter than Albert Brooks' character. Quoth Larry, "Well, I got through Psychology class that way!"

MISCELLANEOUS: Don Wenner announced that the cat of Kim Friedman, a recent visitor to LASFS, has become road kill, and she is looking for a replacement. Contact Don if you can help. Mike Thorsen asked us to tread lightly and reverently on the carpet in front of the couches in the back of the room, since for the first time in years you could actually see some of the carpet through the dirt. Mike Glyer expressed great relief: he thought it was a crop circle. Christian quipped that it is a crop circle: we just reaped the crop!

Rob Cole moved that we table the meeting, the motion carried unanimously, and we all got out of here at 9:20 p.m.

Respectfully submitted
Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

Meeting #3102 Jan 23, 1997 PDF Print E-mail

President: Christian McGuire
Scribe: Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

Caught in another time distortion, President and Time Meddler Christian McGuire called the 3,102nd meeting of the year - ooops, of the Society - to order at 8:12 p.m. using a gavel presented for use by Hare Hobbs. Rob Cole was back this week and immediately moved to adjourn. Immediately ignored.

SPECIAL ORDERS OF BUSINESS: Emperor Charles Lee Jackson, II, announced with regret that the voice of Snow White had died. Also, the operator of a silent movie theater on Fairfax, the only regular venue for silent movies left in the world, was shot inside the theater, which has been closed indefinitely. Charlie shared the information that a group was trying to establish a consortium to reopen the theater. ADDITION: On January 30th, Rick Foss noted that there are several other venues for silent movies, including the Old Town Theater in El Segundo.

MENACE: Christian then called on the Scribe to "deliver the minutes in Beth Vision." The homonymically impaired Pie'd Typer blindly plunged ahead, little realizing what was ahead in the fourth sentence. When she read that Sheldon Leonard had produced "Ice Pie," the crowd first chuckled, then guffawed, and finally broke into howls of laughter. After being informed that the proper name of the show was "I Spy," the bright scarlet scribe commented that she thought she had never seen anything called "Ice Pie." CLJII (?) responded that "Ice Pie" was the one that starred Sergeant Preston of the Yukon. After the guffaws quieted down, the scribe finished the Menace. Trying to speak over the uncontrollable laughter of George Mulligan, who over-appreciated the last item reported, the President called for corrections, etc. The Menace were eventually approved as "M."

PATRON SAINT: Rick Sneary was given three lusty cheers and "don't correct the typos." Ed Green was then summoned to run a small AUCTION, not to be confused with the massive computer crap auction which would be the scheduled program following the meeting. There was no BUSINESS either old or new.

GUESTS: Registrar Selina Phanara introduced guests Stuart I. Long and Kirk Henderson, both from Arcadia. Stuart wasn't saying which friend had steered him our way, and Kirk learned about us from the BBS.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Tim Merrigan announced that tonight was the deadline for "De Profundis." Christian reminded those present that LOSCON 25 bids must be presented to the Board at its regularly scheduled meeting on the Second Sunday in February. CLJII announced the continuing availability of the January issue of "Amazing Adventures," tantalizing the crowd with a description of the contents. Christian asked Charlie to explain what a serial was for the benefit of those who might not know. The Emperor obliged, pointing out that in his serials, unlike most, the hero does not always survive - to which Matthew Tepper rejoined "The Dickens you say!"

George Mulligan interjected that it had suddenly occurred to him that a possible theme for LOSCON could be "Combat Con," featuring various aspects of military SF. Christian targeted the suggestion, aiming anyone who wants to present a military con bid toward the Board meeting in February.

Rick Foss reported on upcoming programs. Next week Tom Safer will present a program of classic cartoons, and on February 6th CLJII will host the mystery/comedy film "Sh! The Octopus" starring Hugh Herbert and Allan Jenkin. Jeff Lauby of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory will speak on the X33 program on February 13th. The X33 is the proposed replacement for the reusable launch vehicle. Jeff will talk about how it will be better than the current program and what technical problems remain to be solved. On February 20th and 27th the British series "Neverwhere" will be presented, three of six episodes screening on each evening. At the end of the program on the 27th, a short taped interview with Neil Gaiman, producer of the series, will be shown.

APPOINTIVE COMMITTEE REPORTS: Christian picked on beautiful Janis Olson first, asking her to give a report on our Moronics translation of the motion to seek federal funds for LASFS' own language. Janis announced that she had decided that some subcommittees were needed. One is the Morels, Morals, and Morale Subcommittee, with morels being the foods of fandom, morals being fannish etiquette, and morale being everything we do for fun. Matthew Tepper promptly recommended that we should appoint LASFS member Anne Morrell to the subcommittee. Janis has also determined that there is a need for a subcommittee dealing with the auction language of the club.

Charlie Jackson informed us that on Sunday there will be a Hillary Brooke film festival. He also reported on the progress of the newly renamed Ackerman Archives Committee. Technology in the field has advanced, and so instead of making half-tone duplicates of the collection at a cost of $1.25 per still he will be making color photocopies at a cost of $.50 per image. The color photocopies will be able to be scanned digitally in the future. Charles had the first 20 reproductions available for perusal by those interested. They will be set up in an appropriate book in the near future.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: The inescapable Joe Zeff had the only faanish committee report for the evening. He told of a computer science major who was having trouble with a connection and had to be instructed about four times in every simple matter, over 15 times in five minutes. Of course, the fact that the next tech who called him happened to speak Chinese might have had something to do with the problem.

REVIEWS: Christian really enjoyed "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet", complete with convertible Chevrolets, Baja California, and lots of guns, although it was a little bit clipped since it cut about 40 minutes from the usual length of the play.

George Mulligan found "Witch Hunt" starring Dennis Hopper, which he caught on cable, very interesting. The story is set in an alternate 1953 Hollywood in which magic coexists with technology. His only complaint was that the ending was a little too "Deus ex Machina" for his taste.

Selina Phanara recommended an article called "America 2000" in the current edition of "Newsweek" about what the new millennium holds for us. Christian summed up the Inaugural Address, reporting that it was boring and said absolutely nothing, probably a good example of what the next four years are likely to be politically. Chelsea, on the other hand, is rated quite highly by Mr. McGuire, who finds her babe-a-licious and hopes that in a few years she will have her mother's intelligence and her mother's balls.

Allan Rothstein reminded George that the character in "Witch Hunt" was named Lovecraft, and reported that there is a sequel to the film but that the title has been magically erased from his memory. He then reviewed "Everyone Says I Love You," which he thinks is wonderful and up in the top ranks of Woody Allen films. He noted that the movie is worth the price of admission just for one scene near the end where Woody and costar Goldie Hawn are singing a song on the banks of the Seine when something happens that is as magical a moment as he has ever seen on film.

Hare Hobbs reviewed Fever's Dreams by George R.R. Martin. He inadvertently set off our preoccupied President, who prefers books to laxatives, when he described the way in which the writing flowed in the book. Christian is always looking for literature which helps him flow easily.

Rick Foss reported that the current issue of "Annals of Improbable Research," which is what the librarian is reading when you can't get service, contains their Ig-Nobel Awards for Science Which Probably Shouldn't Have Been Done in the First Place. Included were:

  1. An award to someone who wanted to eat in a hurry and ignited the barbecue in three seconds using liquid oxygen;

  2. An award to a Norwegian scientist who studied how the appetite of leeches was affected by the people they were feeding on who consumed ale, garlic and sour cream. During the presentation the Norwegian ambassador walked through the crowd announcing that anyone who wished to help them continue their research was welcome to do so and passing out leeches; and

  3. The prize in biology to the people who studied the transmission of gonorrhea through an inflatable doll. They offered to demonstrate their research on stage using an inflatable doll of Richard Nixon but were nixed. Jeremy Bloom interjected to point out the irony of the fact that the impetus for the study arose from a case where the disease was actually transmitted to seamen by this method.

Don Wenner saw an art horror film, produced for a sum total of $35,000, called "Honestly, Totally, Utterly" about some fellows who dug up a corpse for the purpose of taking it home and using it for the centerpiece for their Halloween party. Don said the film was okay until the final climactic scene, when the story ran out of ideas.

MISCELLANEOUS: The Emperor noted that Sam Frank had donated two fantasy films starring Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy, an assortment of Disney and Muppet shows, and a set of "The Addams Family" TV series, all of which will be available for checkout from the video collection in a couple of weeks. The club thanked Sam with a round of applause, and Prez McGuire added a verbal acknowledgement of Mr. Frank's generosity.

Rob Cole moved to adjourn, and the meeting broke up at 9:12 p.m.

Respectfully submitted,
Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien  

Meeting #3101 Jan 16, 1997 PDF Print E-mail

President: Christian McGuire
Scribe: Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

President Christian McGuire called the 3,101st meeting of the LASFS to order at 8:15 p.m. Matthew Tepper moved to adjourn and was ignored.

SPECIAL ORDERS OF BUSINESS: Charles Lee Jackson, II, announced the death of Sheldon Leonard, featured as the bartender who made angels by ringing the cash register in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." He also produced several TV shows, including "I Spy," which featured Robert Culp and Bill Cosby. A moment of silence was observed to honor Mr. Leonard. The Emperor also apprised the club that member Don Fitch seems to have gone missing somewhere between the cult and the hospital. Any information about Don will be welcome and should be forwarded to Charlie or Mike Glyer.

Scribe Beth O'Brien was called on to read the Menace of the last meeting. After some minor corrections, the minutes were approved as "Shut up, Herr Doktor Professor Lynn!" in honor of the evening's guest speaker, after which PATRON SAINT Jeff Siegel was given three cheers and a rusty pelican.

In the absence of Ed Green (grumble, grumble from McGuire), Matthew Tepper was called on to AUCTION various items, including an Italian Magic card that went to Giuseppe Zeff: we collected money.

BUSINESS: OLD: The news that there was no old business was greeted with the usual assortment of groans and cheers. NEW: Christian advised us that he had reports from the Board of Directors. Ed Green has been reelected Chairman. Also, Special Advisor Charlie Jackson had brought to the attention of the Board that the club needs to be sure to set aside proper space for elections and that we need to communicate more clearly. Christian also reminded us that in February there will be the presentation of the LOSCON bids. Anyone planning to bid on LOSCON 25, which will be held in 1998, should be present at the Board meeting on the Second Sunday of February at 11:00 a.m.

Our fearless leader delivered his usual harangue encouraging us to donate money for new chairs, and then announced that the program for January 23rd will be a massive computer crap auction. Careful questioning by the audience elicited the fact that it will be both a massive auction of computer crap and an auction of massive computer crap. Tim Merrigan announced the deadline for "De Prof", after which Rick Foss informed us of upcoming programs, hampered by the fact that he had left his printout at home.

GUESTS: Registrar Selina Phanara ("Do I really have to come up front?") was sung to the podium under duress, where she introduced guests Ernie Sallif and Richard Jefferson, both from Glendale.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Robbie Cantor informed all interested parties that the credit card machine for annual memberships has to be returned by the middle of February, warning that those who plan to pay for annual dues with plastic need to get off the dime.

Matthew Tepper reminded us of a favorable review he had given a few months ago of an episode of "The Drew Carey Show" in which a guest star plays a character who turns out to be the devil. Matthew announced that this episode, which he says features a magical 10 second bit in which someone walks through a bar and has everything associated with bad luck happen to her, will be re-aired on Wednesday and shouldn't be missed. My how time flies when she's having fun!

CLJII announced the continuing availability of annual subscriptions to "Amazing Adventures." Frank Waller had Valentine's Day goodies for sale.

Bruce Pelz was summoned and announced that he still has five copies of Arthur C. Clarke's book available for lease. Bruce also told us that there will be a possible second run for ordering Worldcon jackets in the offing if enough suckers, er, fans who worked the con, are willing to cough up $65. Talk to Bruce if you're interested. He also reported that there is a place in Northridge Mall that does embroidery for those who want to be able to identify their own jacket in the pile on the bed when at fannish parties.

Selina told us that a store named La Luz de Jesus on Hollywood Boulevard has a whole bunch of "Mars Attacks" stuff including a glowing green brain. Mike Donahue reported that this year's Tra La La Con will be held on April 26th and 27th, starting Friday night at midnight. J. Michael What's-His-Name has agreed to come back for the Saturday night party, schedule permitting. Selina Phanara is the Artist Guest of Honor and will be designing a T-shirt which will be available for approximately $12. Membership currently costs $10 and 1/2 cent, to be paid for with $10 and a penny. Change will be given at the convention in the form of a special con coin, identified by Lynn Maners as a digital decision generator. Attendance will be limited, and the price at the door, if available, will be $12.34. A medieval banquet will replace the tea. A round of applause was given for Mike and his assistant, Joyce Sperling. More info to follow.

APPOINTIVE COMMITTEE REPORTS: CLJII reminded us that this month's FWEMS is a Hillary Brooke film festival. Next month the theme will be Caper Babes, and future themes will be Hitch Your Wagon to a Star (Alfred Hitchcock) and Put Up Your Duke's Day. May will be Safer Vision.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Rick Foss related the experience of a homesick client who visited a Mexican restaurant while visiting in Chicago and spotted "Chicken con Pollo" on the menu. He said the chicken was pretty good after you scraped the pollo off.

Joe Zeff was frustrated, as always, by another stupid user. This one had a domain name and misdirected his complaint that he always got someone else's web site. Rumbles of domain poisoning were heard from the assembled fen. Louie Gray reported spending the week as a prisoner under water in the year 2035. Christian reported the stupid rumor of the week: "The Wall Street Journal" is for sale and the bidding is between Warren Buffet and Bill Gates.

REVIEWS: Lynn Maners reviewed an article in "The New York Times" Sunday magazine about all the "Babylon 5" fans at NASA, which he described as cute. He next reviewed the movie "The Relic", which he found extremely funny; he also thinks Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle should be getting a royalty because the critter is a grendel from Beowulf's Children. Lynn found Star Wars: Tales of the Bounty Hunters, edited by Kevin J. Anderson, a fun read for the genre.

Christian reported reading a five page article in "The New Yorker" recently about "Star Wars" and George Lucas. Matthew Tepper read Arthur C. Clarke's 3001 and reports that it is pretty darn good, and he recommends it highly. Christian announced that John Brunner's Quicksand was a typical product of '60's English writers: depressing as hell and designed to bring everyone else down to their postwar English "Oh, my God. The Empire's gone and we're all unemployed" level. It was a good read but he hasn't recovered since.

Don Wenner caught a viewing of a movie in progress with the working title of "The 18th Angel". Don reports it moves well, the actors are good, but the plot is too predictable. Joe Zeff said Clarke's 3001 reads very smoothly, very easily, and flows very well but gets too preachy for Joe's taste. Rainy Season Note: Christian has flowing Brunner on the can and Zeff has flowing Clarke on the brain. I think we're all going to flow out to sea soon.

Rick Foss read Angels and Visitations by Neil Gaiman, a series of short stories which proves Gaiman's brilliance with the use of the language even when there isn't much plot. There are also some science fiction poems in the sestina form. Christian added that Gaiman is the creator, executive producer and writer of a British show called "Neverwhere" which should be showing up in Los Angeles in the near future.

MISCELLANEOUS: The Emperor reported viewing 16 films already this year, averaging one per day. Lynn repeated a joke about the Ebonics controversy told by one of his students. Do you know what you'll find if you look up IBM in the Ebonic dictionary? IBM: I am the 13th letter of the alphabet.

Rick Foss moved to adjourn, and we split at 9:22 p.m.

Respectfully submitted,
Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien  

Meeting #3100 Jan 9, 1997 PDF Print E-mail

President: Christian McGuire
Scribe: Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien

The 3100th meeting of the LASFS was call to order by President Christian McGuire at 8:10 pm. Rob Cole promptly moved to adjourn. Acknowledging that a motion to adjourn is always in order, our fearless leader nonetheless declared it premature.

MENACE: There being no special orders of business, Beth O'Brien was called on to read the Menace of the last meeting. The gallant Mike Thorsen sprang to the damsel's rescue and supplied a functioning microphone for her faltering voice. Christian offered a correction which was promptly rejected when the scribe offered to replay the item on the tape. Christian backed down, muttering about the missing 17 minutes on the tape. Other corrections were made as necessary. The crowd was in an unusually gentle and complimentary mood and the maiden effort was approved as dulcetted.

PATRON SAINT: An emissary was sent to request the personal appearance of Patron Saint Bruce Pelz, who was in the outer darkness selling books. While we waited, Tom Safer asked for an explanation of the various other levels above sainthood. Christian responded. Ed Green noted that there were several sacred objects present in the room, including Bob Null the Sacred Nothing, Elayne Pelz the Sacred Spryngbok, and Sandy Cohen the Sacred Chocolate. Reportedly groaning "Oh, Good God! I forgot it's that damned night!" Mr. Pelz (the Sacred Elephant) entered the hall and was given three rousing cheers and an advertisement. He promptly proceeded to hawk copies of Final Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke, which are advanced reading copies unavailable for sale but for which 99 year leases can be negotiated for a mere $8.00. The redoubtable Saint also displayed some candles in the shape of the old Hugo rocket ship, four of which he has for sale.

NEW BUSINESS: Christian next electrified the assembled fen by declaring this rarest of agenda items. A committee of concerned individuals had submitted the following motion for consideration by the club:

LASFS has its own peculiar collection of neologisms, parlance, slang, jargon and/or patois;
Said LASFS slang pervades the life of the average member, in the meetings, at parties, at gaming sessions and other occasions;
Such LASFS verbiage is sufficiently remarkable and distinct as to be considered almost a separate language;
The LASFS is an impecunious charitable organization which probably wouldn't turn down a handout of Federal funds;
The LASFS' own peculiar lingo be declared a new and separate language, to be called MORONICS.

The perpetrators of the proposal were Matthew Tepper, Joe Zeff, Paula Evans, Hare Hobbs, Greg Barrett, Lucy Stern, Glen Olson, Rob Cole, Mike Glyer, and Daniel J. Alderson, whom death has not released. Captivating Janis Olson had offered a friendly amendment, which had been accepted by the proposer, that the word <MORONICS> be replaced by <FANACONICS>. Brilliantly sensing the mood of the crowd, President McGuire called for a vote on the amendment, which failed by a vote of 11 to 13. Discussion was closed and the original motion passed, many to few. Mike Glyer suggested that a committee be appointed to translate the motion into MORONICS. Janis Olson was appointed Chair of the Subcommittee, and Christian gleefully appointed Mike Glyer to it. Deciding a philosopher would be appropriate, Ulrika O'Brien was asked to join and replied "Oh, sure!" Ed Green asked that it be noted in the Menace that clearly we are living up to our new language already because they all said yes when asked to volunteer. Glen Olson asked who should draft our request to the federal government for funds. Christian deferred the decision until the draft was prepared. Ed Green suggested setting a deadline for completion of the project, say the standard 900 years. Christian set a deadline of 900 years and 1 day and noted that it is the responsibility of the Comptroller to pass the request on to the federal government.

GUESTS: Hardworking and alluring Registrar Selina Phanara had a slew, that is, a plethora, I say, a whole heck of a lot of guests to introduce. First was Valerie Lee from Long Beach, who learned about the LASFS from S. P. Somtow. Eric Morse from Toronto told us "It's all Robbie Cantor's fault." Eduardo, Leonardo and Jaime Lopez from Glendale learned about us from the local rag, gasp, "The L.A. Times". Tim Sullivan from Los Angeles and Robert Rundle from North Hollywood both heard of the LASFS from Mike Donahue. Tim's special fannish interest in crucifixions was cheered lustily. All our guests were welcomed with warm applause.

Auctioneer par excellence Ed Green gouged lots of money for lots of odd ball junk.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: S. P. Somtow informed the club that he would be holding a monthly reading series at Dark Delicacies book store in Burbank, usually on the third Friday of the month. In true fannish tradition, however, an almost immediate date exception will be made in February, when the reading will be held on Saturday the 15th for a promotional tie-in with Valentine's day. Spotting sages Jerry Pournelle and Larry Niven in the audience, the resourceful Mr. Somtow noted that famous authors were especially welcome to come and read.

Christian McGuire announced that SCIFI has agreed to broker a bid for a NASFiC to be known as "Los Angeles '99" and held the week before Australia's World Con. Christian is the bid chairman for the con.

Rick Foss reported that tonight's program will be a showing of "The Slayers", Volume 3, hosted by Fred Patten. Next week Lynn Maners will moderate a discussion about the best written science fiction of 1996. The program previously scheduled for January 23rd has slipped out of the foxy Mr. Foss's fingers, so there is no programmed scheduled as yet. On January 30th, Tom Safer will host a screening of Academy Award winning cartoons of 1932 through 1949. Rick asked for leads for programming related to art.

Christian announced that "De Prof" was available in the back of the room and pleaded for all those present to pick up their own copy in order to save on postage. In a dazzling display of derring-do, he then heaved his chair up on the table and harangued us to purchase a copy of same for the paltry sum of $25, in return for which a plaque with the donor's name will be plastered on the back of said chair.

Joe Zeff reported receiving an e-mail message from Mike Morris to apprise him that on Sunday, January 12, 1997 something unusual and fannish will happen: In a factory in Urbana, HAL 9000 will come to life. Christian noted that Mike Glyer had copies of "File 770" available and urged us all to buy and read this award winning fanzine.

COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Thorsen reported that the cleaning party last Sunday was successful and thanked Robbie Cantor, Bob Null, Joe Zeff, Selina Phanara, Doug Crepeau, and Theresa Trousdale for their help. He noted that Mike Mason, Gary Louie and Joyce Sperling were present to clean up the library as well. Mike noted that he wants to make the cleaning party a scheduled item for the first Sunday of each month. Y'all come.

Mike Stern again exhorted us to submit nominations for the Millennium Award before the end of the month. He then reported that Ken Rowan had won last Friday's Magic tournament. Joe Zeff noted that we might have a new source of revenue from selling sodas to one of our renters, and Tim Merrigan announced that this month's deadline for submitting items for "De Profundis" is January 23, 1997.

Ed Green apprised us of the Board of Directors meeting to be held this Sunday. The Board will be electing new officers and Ed invited all members to come and watch. Mike Thorsen chimed in that we could "watch how sausage is made."

Sliding into FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS, Tom Safer recounted the story of 20 Germans running naked in the street to win a free trip to Malaysia or Crete. Joe Zeff had a couple of Putridity from Work stories to share.

Mike Stern said he had nothing funny to report. Au contraire, Monday's winds had blown a 60 foot tree down on top of his van and he would like to be able to borrow a chain saw to cut the thing up. Mike showed a picture of his crunched van.

Rick Foss related the story of someone who tried to get out of a traffic ticket by citing Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and telling the judge that if the cop knew where he was he couldn't have known how fast he was going. The astute judge stated that if the defendant could produce either Werner Heisenberg or Isaac Newton as an expert witness, he could get off.

Tom Digby related a story of a formula to make paper out of elephant dung, which requires boiling said dung to a porridge like consistency and spreading it out to dry. Jerry Pournelle howled with glee and commented that he wants the name of a supplier, since it is the only suitable product to use to reply to certain fan letters he receives.

REVIEWS: Christian McGuire informed us that he had stumbled on a story by Isaac Asimov that he had actually never read before. He described The End of Eternity as typical: if you like Asimov you will like The End of Eternity. He noted that the book provided material for making a good case against Dr. Who writers for swiping ideas on the technical aspects of time travel.

Selina reported seeing "Evita" at the Cinerama Dome, which imported a straight screen and spread it across for the showing to please a director. Frank Waller asserted that he sells better licorice than the stuff on the table.

Bob Null noted that approximately 100 "Star Trek" cover graphics are still available from the "TV Guide On-Line" site. Eylat Eleasari reminded us that "Star Wars" is coming out on January 31st and "Babylon 5" will be airing a new episode on January 27th. Hare Hobbs urged everyone to catch a short blurb in the latest "TV Guide" about "Babylon 5" which he says is very funny and to check out Dilbert's comments, which Christian described as brilliant.

Rob Cole moved that we not adjourn, but Mike Stern moved we table that motion until after we adjourn, which carried. Phil Castora moved that we adjourn, which we did at 9:15 pm.

Respectfully submitted,
Pie'd Typer Beth O'Brien  

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