LASFS Minutes ("Menace")
Meeting # 3313, Feb 1, 2008 PDF Print E-mail


Meeting # 3313, Feb 1, 2008

President: Cathy Beckstead.

Secretary: Mike Glyer, the Once and Future Secretary.

While Bob Null tried to make the microphone work again, we filled the idle moment with a “who’s the tallest?” contest. Janice Olson, Beckie Barber and Chris Marble competed at the front of the room. And the contest was won by – Tadao Tomomatsu, standing on the president’s chair. Cathy Beckstead didn’t need it because she hadn’t arrived – no reason to hurry, after all, the microphone won’t be working whenever she gets here.

Charlie thought we’d soon be wearing buttons saying, “I like Mike.” Glyer thought that was better than “I make Mike work.”

And since the mike still wasn’t working, Bob Null compensated by assembling the mother of all Tinkertoy gavels. It had three heads with plastic feather vanes. A Fokker tri-plane of gavels. It was so distracting that when Cathy tried to start things, she convened a meeting of the “Los Angeles Science Fantatasy Society.”

SPECIAL ORDER OF BUSINESS: Charlie Jackson 2 reported the death of Dale Evans. Cathy wondered if we sang “Happy Trails” when Roy passed. Charlie said, “No, and we had even more reason.” Leigh Strother-Vien wondered, “Why, she wrote it.” Charlie changed the subject to marginally science fictional performances Dale Evans had given in King of the Cowboys and Greatest American Hero.

MINUTES: Glyer was saved from having to shout the entire minutes because the microphone came online before he was finished. Charlie responded to a threat quoted in the minutes about breaking up the piano, commenting that we would wind up with more pieces of it than there were pieces of the True Cross in Europe. This musical clue inspired Mike Stern to move that we approve the minutes as, “On key.” Tadao said that would be right if you put a “Y” in front of it. Glyer said it shouldn’t be “yon key,” at LASFS it should be “donkey.” Joe Zeff scored with his motion to accept “the Silence of the Minutes.”

PATRON SAINT: Tonight there were two saints, Mike Glyer and Frank Waller. Cathy teed off on Glyer: “Not only can you say stuff about him and embarrass him, he has to write it down.”

Ed Green said that among his other fannish traits, Glyer has the most Hugo nominations. Marty Cantor insisted it was Langford. It’s actually Glyer, but since Langford wins every year, Charlie rapidly deduced that Glyer had also lost the most Hugos. Cathy said, “I don’t think we should call him the Susan Lucci of the LASFS.” Mike Stern said that if Glyer left any of this abuse out of the minutes, De Profundis editor Marty Cantor could put it back in.

Francis Hamit complimented Glyer’s career as a journalist in File 770, and as an editor, which Hamit verified by saying Glyer’s “one of the few people who can get me to do something for nothing.”

Ed Green said he’s the only fan in LA who’s won enough Hugos to be picky about which one’s the ugliest. When Jerry Pournelle said he had something to say the whole room went, “Uh, oh!” But what Jerry actually said, “There are about 10 people I have respect for as critics in sf, and Mr. Glyer’s one of them.” Three cheers were given for Patron Saint Glyer. “And a piece of the true piano!” added Charlie.

Cathy said, “The next saint has been called many things.” Ed Green said, “Frank has a very wicked sense of humor sometimes and gets in a zinger – we should give him credit for it.” Cathy, referring to Frank’s Charles Chips business, added, “He’s a good guy to have in fandom because he has food.” Phil Castora said it best: “I’ve been a member of this lunatic asylum for 39 years. I’ve seen a lot of people come and go – some of them I would like to see go – Frank’s one of the nicest guys I know.” Frank was so moved he walked over, opened his wallet and handed Castora a bill. Meanwhile, we gave Frank three cheers.

AUCTION: Frank Waller donated a piece of lava that reminded him of an alien cow pie. Tadao auctioned a mug while doing a Scooby imitation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. He insisted, “I am not mugging for the camera.” A copy of Pro Pinball also went up for sale with the tantalizing inducement of a label of the box that declared it was “not for sale outside North America.”

COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Stern ranked the top finishers in last week’s Magic Tournament: Joe Zeff first, Drew Sanders second, Mike Stern third. Stern explained, “I might have won, but I took a bye on the last round.” He’ll have to get that fixed.

Ed Green told us the Committee to Gouge Money Out of the LASFS was considering a new enforcement tool. Sometimes after a bidder purchases the right not to have the title of an officially blank video read aloud, some spoilsport with good eyesight will read it aloud anyway. Ed was thinking of instituting a $5 spoiler fine. But then, Jerry Pournelle made a cutting remark about the idea. Ed strategically concluded, “Depending upon certain input we may decide not to do it.”

Bret Achorn said although he will be on the way to Boston when Cinema Anime meets, he will be there in spirit. Tadao asked people to buy memberships for Fala7con – and if you can’t be there, never mind being there in spirit, just send your wallet.

REGISTRAR: Lynx was either exceptionally efficient or exceptionally slow tonight: he found three guests, and two had already joined the club by the time be introduced them. They were part of tonight’s program, whom Casey Bernay called the creative geniuses behind the Cyberscifi network.

Mike Stern reminded every Loscon 2002 bidder to make his presentation at the Board meeting.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Joe Zeff found Chuck Jones’ web site, where they were trying to get as many e-mails as possible sent to Jones by Valentine’s Day as a gift from his fans.

Francis Hamit read in the newsletter of the Association of Former Intelligence Officers that the powers that be are discussing the formation of a Space Force. He invited people to join the organization to get the newsletter. Cathy Beckstead asked how can you join if you’re not a former intelligence officer? Mike Stern explained, “We’re LASFS members – all of us are formerly intelligent.”

Fred Patten announced the C/FO meeting, where they also show Japanese sf and fantasy anime. Charlie Jackson 2 had one copy of the January Amazing Adventures for sale.

Cathy looked at the clock, mindful of the program for tonight. Phil Castora thought that was a cue and moved to adjourn, but Cathy was pushing her luck and asked, “Anything else?” Frank Waller cooperatively announced, “I have nothing further to say.” Cathy said, “It’s his saint’s night, it’s okay.” And Ed Hooper told him, “You look fabulous.” But Charlie Jackson 2 chose this moment to send up a trial balloon, asking, “Would the club like to spend $300 on a complete set of Blondie movies?” Mike Stern wondered, “What about a complete set of Debbie movies?” With Ed, Charlie and Mike all needing to be subdued it was fortunate Cathy had a three-prong gavel. She pounded it on the table and the meeting adjourned adjourned adjourned.

Meeting # 3312, Feb 1, 2001 PDF Print E-mail

President: Cathy Beckstead.

Secretary: Mike Glyer, the Once and Future Secretary.

While we were waiting for the microphone to be fixed so we could start the meeting, Ed Green tripped over a chair. Now we need to have that chair destroyed – it’s tasted human flesh. Cathy said, “It wouldn’t be LASFS if it didn’t take 20 minutes to make the microphone work.” She decided to go ahead and start, but said, “The meeting can’t be called to order until Matthew Tepper shuts up.” Charlie Jackson 2 predicted, “In that case, the meeting will be postponed indefinitely.”

SPECIAL ORDER OF BUSINESS: Charlie said, as for himself, “I don’t need a megaphone – I’m an actor.” Tadao piped up, “Hey, that’s my line!”

Tonight there was a very special order of business. Science fiction great Gordon Dickson had passed away. Charlie defined Dickson’s greatness in terms that “His work is so well done, even I read it.” Ed Green recalled that Dickson had been L.A.con II’s guest of honor, and Matthew Tepper told about the writer’s relationship with the Minneapolis fan community.

Another writer, Rick Shelley, had also died recently after suffering a massive heart attack at Chattacon in mid-January.

Charlie called us to observe a full minutes of silence.

MINUTES: Glyer read what had happened at last week’s meeting, prompting members to wish there’d been several more minutes of silence.

Charlie Jackson 2 added that the “Hardly Boys” is what people called Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall in the 1950s. Hare Hobbs moved that the minutes be accepted as “hardly there.” Matthew Tepper called them, “Close enough for government work.” Ed Green thought the minutes should have an X in front. Jerry Pournelle, et al, ultimately moved that the minutes be accepted as hardly there and close enough for government work with an X in front.

PIANO: Mr. Woodbury reported on the cost of getting the piano in working order. He’d been quoted $200 if all that was required to get keys unstuck and so forth was proper lubrication. If other mechanical work was needed, the estimate was $500. Cathy wondered if the repairman would come out and tell us which was the case.

Jerry Pournelle objected to the delay, and asked us to decide whether we would spend as much as $500 if that’s what was needed to fix the piano, otherwise there was no point in waiting for more information. He said he would like the club to keep the piano, but move it to the corner of the room.

Ed Green suggested some other things he would sooner see the club spend $500 on, like fixing the roof so it doesn’t leak. Dale Hales wondered if we should start a fund for people to contribute the cost of piano repairs, and see how it goes. Someone pointed out that we had to decide whether to even keep the piano, before getting involved in repairs. To move things along, Jerry moved that we accept the piano and appropriate $500 to repair it.

Marty Cantor thought there was too much stuff in the meeting room and that piano repairs would be a waste of money. Jerry said he didn’t disagree, we should either fix it or get it out of here. But he thought that having a piano would be “classy.” Liz Mortensen wondered when the piano would be played – she didn’t want it adding to the noise during Friday night gaming. Scott Beckstead felt that objection could be solved by placing a moratorium on playing the piano on Friday nights. Jerry agreed, adding by way of analogy, “We’re not going to get rid of the boom box simply because somebody might turn it on.”

Ed Green said the club is not a dumping ground – a “gift” that is going to cost us $500 to fix is a white elephant. Nobody asked us if they could leave it, it just kind of showed up. He said we should take a stand and reject it. Joe Zeff agreed with Liz that it would increase noise during club functions. Mike Stern helpfully added, “I vote we get a radio tower.” Ed Green said, “I vote you sit on it.” (There was formerly a radio antenna on the roof of the meeting room, which we unloaded on a willing sucker.)

There was suddenly a private cabal around the President, and when she came up for air she announced that the donor of the piano no longer planned to take it back if it was rejected. Whether this was intended to be some kind of fait accompli, members with sledgehammers did not necessarily feel we would be forced to keep it if we decided we didn’t want it. Others offered to take it away by more peaceful means.

By a show of hands, the members voted to accept the piano and appropriate $500 to repair it – 19 aye, 18 nay, 5 abstain. Larry Niven demanded, “Let’s recount the vote until we get the result we want!” Cathy Beckstead said, “Since it passed, let’s raise the money.” Which was her smooth segue to the start of the auction.

AUCTION: The auction included another officially blank tape, this one with a title so bad that Ed Green was reluctant to read the title. Charlie Jackson 2 suggested, “Pantomime it!” Tadao gasped, “No! No!” And Ed told Charlie, “You don’t have that much money.” In fact, Ed wound up reading the title. Cathy Beckstead sniffed, “I’m easily offended!” The next item in the auction was an “officially blank” bottle. Jerry Pournelle figured it made sense to drink that while watching the tape.

There were also auction items that could actually be named aloud. The set of movie passes expiring December 31, 2001 were deemed by Tadao to be “Y2K compliant.” Cathy bid $5.50 on a set of Babylon 5 trading cards, “Provided Scott autographs it.” (In a black baseball cap, Scott is a dead ringer for Straczynski.)

REGISTRAR: Lynx, our newly licensed driver, said there were no guests. Jerry explained, “They took one look at you and ran out onto the freeway!”

PATRON SAINT: Tonight’s Patron Saint, Mike Luwish, was recalled by Glyer as a member in the 1970s who moved to Japan to teach English. He is the son of Emil, also a Patron Saint. Three cheers were administered.

COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Stern said tomorrow is Friday – shouts of “Fix! Fix!” – which meant there would be a Magic Tournament. He also reminded people that Loscon bids will be presented at the next Board meeting.

Charlie Jackson 2 announced tonight’s program would be provided by Tom Safer. Next week would be a presentation arranged by Casey Bernay. In two weeks would be the club’s vote on Loscon bids approved by the Board. And in three weeks the program will be a tribute to 007, with trailers and clips from all the Bond movies of the 20th Century. (Is there any other kind?)

Chaz told us that Maria turned 16. Some said, “Happy birthday!” Charlie said, “Then, she’s safe from Buchman.” Chaz had a card for people to sign.

Tadao reminded people to buy their Fala7con memberships from Liz.

FANNISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Ed Green had seen in Variety that they’re going to make “The Iron Chef Movie”, for release in 2003. Fred Patten told us Yarf! was out and he had some comics catalogs. Cathy Beckstead said that was an announcement, not a fannish committee report, but we could laugh at it anyway.

Jerry Pournelle’s contribution under the heading of Surrealism in Everyday Life was a newspaper report that in Massachusetts you can only sell sushi if it’s been cooked. You cannot serve raw fish in the state of Massachusetts. This was Cathy Beckstead’s cue to add, “Now we know if you like sushi in Massachusetts, in Boston you can get scrod.”

Tom Safer told a story about the effect of runaway inflation on counterfeit money – somebody had succeeded in passing a $200 bill, getting $198 in change. This reminded him that tonight’s program was Fractured Flickers, Jay Ward’s only live-action series. Which was okay, because the members did not want any change.

And with that inspiration, everyone voted to adjourn except Jerry Pournelle. His chad was left hanging.

Meeting # 3311, Jan 25, 2001 PDF Print E-mail

President: Cathy Beckstead.

Secretary: Mike Glyer, the Once and Future Secretary.

It was a week too early to use Groundhog Day as an excuse (though saying so will let me use the reference two weeks running.) What I mean is, we wake up every Thursday and the same thing happens all over again – the microphones don’t work. Bob fixed them at the last meeting, and we’ll fix them again tonight. While waiting for amplification, President Cathy Beckstead used two low-tech gavels. Bang-bang, she shot me dead, er, she brought the meeting order. Cathy said, “We’re started, we’re quiet, best of all, nobody died.”

MINUTES: At least not yet, though after Glyer read the minutes he wanted to decline the corrections with extreme prejudice. Charlie Jackson 2 deserved credit for the line about milking ants. And he said it was the Black Scorpion tv show that sucks rocks, rather than the movie. Joe Zeff moved that the minutes be accepted as a joke that has fallen flat. Beth O’Brien suggested, “Or as repetitive.” Cathy said, “All in favor keep repeating you’re in favor.” Charlie Jackson 2 said, “You never did get the hang of Thursdays.” Which must be why we have to do this over and over again.

The minutes inspired Jerry Pournelle to share his opinion about the piano. “Whatever room the piano takes up, it’s got to be prettier than the pile of junk sitting in the corner where it belongs,” he said, looking where Frank Waller was sitting.

Jerry also announced a SFWA member was suffering with prostate cancer. The club moved to send him a get well card.

PATRON SAINT: The late Rick Sneary, and Gail Selinger, were tonight’s Patron Saints.

Matthew Tepper recalled that Sneary was one of the kindest, most generous and giving of himself fans he’d ever known. Rick would always send a letter on your fanzine. Matthew always enjoyed talking to him at cons, because Rick listened “with both ears.” Ed Green reminded us how Rick was noted for his creative spelling. Marty Cantor said that Rick lived in South Gate, and his “South Gate in ‘58” slogan led to having the location of the 1958 Worldcon, the Alexandria Hotel in Los Angeles, declared part of South Gate for the duration of the con by the mayors of both cities. We gave three cheers for Sneary.

Gail Selinger became a saint fairly recently. Ed Green declared she had a heart of gold. Matthew revealed that Gail had been a public school teacher in New York City before she came to California and joined LASFS. No one knows why she decided to spend all her time with an even less mature group. We gave her three sophomoric cheers.

REGISTRAR: Christian McGuire said the other registrar was eating his birthday card. He said, “A little bird told me he’ll be 20 tomorrow. He’s received his driver’s license and will be legally on the road. Lynx – please call everyone when you’re going to be out on the road!” People must have been scared off Burbank Blvd. already – we had no guests tonight.

AUCTION: Once again, the auctioneer refused to read the title of an officially blank video tape. Something about household architectural features in Prague. So when Eylat bought it, Cathy rushed over to Czech it out.

Meanwhile, those guardians of the auction items, the giant plastic insects, seemed to be multiplying. Now the scribe was being crowded out by three ants and a scorpion engaged in a ménage a quarto.

COMMITTEE REPORTS: This reminded Jerry Pournelle to tell us about an online conference he’d participated in along with other “professor types,” discussing whether Neanderthals and Cro Magnons could engaged in sexual relations and interbreed. Or whether this would have been rishathra. He congratulated Larry Niven on becoming part of a dialog between two Nobel prizewinners.

Marty Cantor told people to pick up their copies of De Profundis. Charlie Jackson 2 said this weekend’s edition of FWEMS would mostly feature Abbott and Costello movies not already shown on the recent AMC tribute. He invited us all to come see Phil Castora fall on the floor laughing, and while we were there, kick him, er, kick in for pizza.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Eylat Poliner had received a hardcopy of the Loscon report published in the Jerusalem Post. It had a big picture of Chaz – well, now we know why the whole country is in an uproar. Eylat also told about this year’s Worldcon, the Millennium Philcon. She saw the facility when she was there in December. It’s two blocks from Chinatown.

That focus of Middle Eastern intrigue, Chaz, got up and announced there are job openings in Santa Ana. He also warned people this is their last chance to join Loscon for $25. Charlie Jackson 2 tried to intrigue people into subscribing to Amazing Adventures. And that one-man international incident, Tadao Tomomatsu, handed out flyers for Fala7con.

Under the heading of “six degrees of separation is not enough,” Hare Hobbs told us his brother attended an AA meeting with that fellow who just happened to drive a truck into the front of the state Capitol.

Jerry Pournelle disputed someone’s opinion about Miss Congeniality, given in the minutes. Jerry thought it was “charming.” Having Sandra Bullock enter a beauty contest was easy for him to believe. He said the unbelievable part was when she was dressed as a nerd and went to a nerd convention, and nobody even paid attention.

REVIEWS: Ed Austin said the new Julian May series is quite fabulous. Karl Lembke said he had a review of interest: “The interest my credit union pays sucks.” Ed Hooper pointed out some peculiarities in the new Dune book, where the characters seemed to be the wrong age in relation to the events in the story.

Chaz gave his endorsement to some stories set in an alternate universe where Nancy Drew and Cherry Ames meet and fall in love. They have a gay old time and meet up with the Hardly Boys.

Eylat Poliner has been listening to a books-on-tape version of Starship Troopers and credited the reader for a sense of being taken into a magical land.

Darcee Golden was called to substitute for a teacher whose lesson plans called for her to teach “grammer” and be assisted by a class “messengar.” It seems to me that the misplaced vowels still average out to a correctly spelled document, although you must remember I learned to use statistics from the government.

Phil Castora thought to add another example of authoritative misspelling, the way the Daily News puts an “E” in front of Mexican station call letters, like “EXPRS.” However, Tepper said that’s actually right, and is the spelling the stations use themselves.

Jerry Pournelle waxed rhapsodic about the high literature he was assigned in the 7th grade, and wondered what is going on that grade schoolers now read “young adult” novels. Nevertheless, he thought Steve Martin had made a good movie from the plotline of Silas Marner. Jerry complained about the oversimplified language of the present day, because “It affects my income. I get paid for writing books – that have words in them!”

Beth O’Brien paid a left-hand compliment to C.J. Cherryh’s Precursor. She liked a lot of the plot outline and thesis, but otherwise found it tedious going.

Charlie Jackson 2 said tonight’s program features the editor of th “Mars and Beyond” web page.

Jerry Pournelle showed us a picture of his old PC on display at the Smithsonian. I was sure I could see the old wood-burning floppy drives.

Members moved and seconded “to bail,” so we ejected from the meeting.

Meeting # 3310, Jan 18, 2001 PDF Print E-mail

President: Cathy Beckstead.

Secretary: Mike Glyer, the Once and Future Secretary.

When President Cathy Beckstead said, “I call to order the 3310th meeting of the LASFS,” Phil Castora in the front row said, “It seems repetitive.” Cheerful as a convict about to be released, Cathy wondered aloud, “Should we stop having them?”

Forced to go on, Cathy retaliated with strict discipline and asked demandingly, “Who did their homework?” Mike Stern admitted, “I did, but the dog ate it.” This excuse-making prompted Scratch Galloway to tell us about his friend in Berkeley who was a victim of the rolling power blackouts. The friend did not realize that his cleaning lady had disconnected his computer’s back-up power source, and he lost six months worth of work when the blackout hit. Not only didn’t Cathy think this was a good excuse, neither did anybody else. “Backup, backup, backup,” declared Cathy, and not even Phil Castora felt her advice was repetitive.

Since nobody had died there were a few moments to spare from special orders of business for Cathy to complaind that the microphone wasn’t working because somebody changed the PA settings again – which seems to happen every week after they get fixed. Cathy is perfectly capable of saying these things loudly without electronic amplification, so help promptly arrived.

As if this wasn’t distracting enough, someone pointed out the heap of auction items on the front table where a giant plastic ant was perched on top of a sheetmetal milk can. They wondered how long somebody would have to milk the ant before the can was filled. And where they could get the teeny tiny branding irons they heard about in a filksong.

MINUTES: Glyer was his own mike during the first half of the minutes, until the PA was fixed, when he became Mike on the mike, which was certainly repetitive. So were the inevitable corrections. Tadao said he didn’t auction the dress, it was Ed. Francis Hamit insisted, “I never suggested blackmailing a member.” Charlie Jackson gave Glyer another chance to butcher his quote about, “Identical twins, one of which was Asian.” When all that was done, Charlie wanted the minutes approved as “I don’t care,” Mike Stern wanted them approved as waxed, Karl Lembke said they should be “Martied.” The winning entry was Mike Stern’s motion to approve the minutes as cross-dressed and waxed.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Bill Ellern introduced himself as the new chairman of the board. He named the other Board officers: Vice-Chair Karl Lembke, and Comptroller and Secretary Mike Glyer. Phil Castora corrected, “The word comptroller is pronounced with a P only on Wed-nes-day.” Bill said he would be asking folks to commit time and resources to help run the club. He said he would be receptive to new ideas. Allan Rothstein answered, “This is an SF club. We don’t have any new ideas.” Are you getting the idea that it isn’t easy to be chairman of the LASFS Board?

OLD BUSINESS: Cathy pointed out the heap of musical lumber on the opposite side of the dais and asked the club, “What would we like to do with this lovely piano?”

Bill Ellern asked, “Do we have any piano players in the club?” No, they had all been shot -- even though they told us they were only the piano player.

Besides, playing it was not an immediate option. Bob Null mentioned the things he knew needed to be fixed. Scratch Galloway thought we should get it repaired. Marty Cantor wished the piano would go elsewhere, because it got in the way at the Gift Exchange. Several others appreciated the piano’s usefulness as a table. Ed Hooper made a motion to keep the piano and have it repaired.

Christian McGuire wondered if keeping the piano is appropriate if it’s only going to be used a couple of times a year. The donations we would get to pay for repairs might be used more effectively for something else.

Francis Hamit asked, “What’s it worth?” Allan Rothstein answered, “I heard it’s worth a C-note.” Joe Zeff pointed out that the donor would take back the piano if the club didn’t keep it. Members speculated about the cost of tuning and repair.

Mike Stern said the piano is a useless waste of space. Rothstein argued, “Specifically because it’s useless and takes up space it belongs here, and I volunteer to pay the fee for its membership application.” Lembke thought we should pay its lifetime dues, and Ellern cried, “And Sainthood!” Charlie Jackson 2 said our librarians could give piano lessons (like in The Music Man.)

There was discussion whether to vote on Hooper’s motion or to wait until somebody brought back the information about the cost of repairing the thing. Joe Zeff, seconded by Christian McGuire, moved to table Hooper’s motion until we find out the cost of repair. The motion passed by voice vote. Cathy accepted Mr. Woodbury’s offer to get the information. He seemed to be in tune with things.

REGISTRAR: Lynx told Christian McGuire, “Hit it, maestro!” Christian warned us he was about to give a cold reading of the guest’s name, but he got it right anyway, darn it. Lynx reciprocated by correctly pronouncing the name of a guest from San Diego.

AUCTION: During the auction, Tadao wouldn’t read the title of an officially blank video tape, butt he said the title was highly appropriate assuming our crack team had erased the tape.

COMMITTEE REPORTS: Chaz Boston Baden received a bubbly response to his question, “Who drinks sparkling wine?”

PATRON SAINT: Tonight’s Patron Saint, Jeff Siegel, is reported by Marty Cantor to be a Major in the Air Force, now living in Texas. We gave three cheers for a major LASFS member.

MORE COMMITTEE REPORTS: Bob Null brandished a piece of the pipe from the front building that plumbers had replaced during the week. He also reported that we got rid of the Chinese elm tree at the same time. (Did they root it out with a Chinese fire drill?)

Allan Rothstein announced that yesterday Selina Phanara had been in a car accident and taken to the hospital in an ambulance, however she was already back at home, resting. He felt she might enjoy encouraging phone calls.

Charlie Jackson 2 said he would feel encouraged if more people bought subscriptions to Amazing Adventures at the $30 rate. He gave a money-back guarantee: if your money is unsatisfactory, he will give it back.

Mike Stern reminded prospective Loscon 29 bidders to show up to the next Board meeting. Then the club will vote on the bids on February 15.

Hare Hobbs said doctors were checking out the possibility that his dad had not suffered two heart attacks, but two episodes of symptoms caused by a herniated chest muscle.

Christian McGuire invited one and all to the Loscon 27 close-out meeting, to be followed by Chaz Boston Baden’s first Loscon 28 committee meeting. Fred Patten announced the C/FO meeting. Tadao promoted Fala7con and dropped hints about some secret plans. Beckie Barber made a proxy announcement about the Time Meddlers meeting.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Someone reported that scientists succeeded in playing catch-and-release with photons. Joe Zeff thought “slow glass” may be on the way.

REVIEWS: Darcee gave an earthquake review. The earth moved for us, too.

Mike Stern began, “Recently, I’ve been reading a book…” There was an uproar at his admission. Then he recommended Lord of the Isles by David Drake.

Beckie Barber had seen Miss Congeniality, a fantasy because they turn Sandra Bullock into a beauty queen. Bullock doesn’t wax her legs in the film, which may explain why Beckie only saw it once.

Bret Achorn approved of Shadow of the Vampire as “very strange.”

Mike Stern reviewed Charlie Jackson’s review (a week ago) of Black Scorpion. He thought Charlie might be wrong. (There goes “Imperial Subject of the Year” for you, Mike.) Mike said the movie isn’t bad, it’s silly. (Why does that remind me of Jessica Rabbit…?)

Cathy got the meeting over with by having a motion to adjourn “mooved” and seconded. Those in favor of going home said “Moo!” Those against had to stay and milk the ants.

Meeting # 3309, Jan 11, 2001 PDF Print E-mail

President: Cathy Beckstead.

Secretary: Mike Glyer, the Once and Future Secretary.

It was a dark and stormy night. Charlie Jackson charged to the back of the meeting room with an unclaimed copy of Amazing Adventures clenched in his hand. “Rothstein has evaporated!” he cried. Dissolved, was more like it, considering the weather.

Cathy Beckstead said, “Mr. Glyer’s creating our emergency back-up joke, so let’s start the meeting!” Bob Null handed her a gavel made from plastic Tinkertoys, to assure the “minimum amount of silliness.”

SPECIAL ORDER OF BUSINESS: Charlie Jackson 2 called on Len Moffatt to report on the death of Phyllis White. She was the widow of E.B. White, known to all as Anthony Boucher, one of the original coeditors of The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. Len said that she attended the first Bouchercon, and most of the others, including last year’s con in Milwaukee. She died of cancer of the brain.

Charlie reported the death of George Jumper, past LASFS President and former husband of the Widow McDaniel. He died of a heart attack on January 8.

There was a moment of silence.

MINUTES: Glyer read his minutes. Members tried to get in jokes they should have thought of two weeks ago – Joe Zeff recalled ST:TMP also being knows as “Where NOMAD Has Gone Before.”

Beckie Barber said that what she had modeled for last week’s auction was not a necklace but a brooch, prompting Mike Stern to move that the minutes be approved “As a close a-broach by Voyager.”

PATRON SAINT: Cathy said that tonight’s Patron Saint had “just ducked out” – and in this weather, he’d have to. When he ducked back in and heard how long he’d been involved with LASFS, Bruce Pelz corrected that it wasn’t embarrassing, it was disgusting. Saint Bruce also got lots of people to contribute money to the club, said Mike Stern. “He can squeeze blood from a rock with one hand.” The members gave three cheers, and an “Empty the money out of your pockets.”

REGISTRAR: Christian McGuire said they had a guest but his co-registrar disappeared. Joe Zeff paid 50 cents for the privilege of asking, “Lynx, missing?” He soon turned up and guests were introduced.

COMMITTEE REPORTS: Treasurer Liz Mortensen had received an invitation to the Museum of Contemporary Art’s gallery opening at the Pacific Design Center. It will be a gallery Japanese pop culture stuff, and the invitation was to “Escape Reality at Superflat Saturday.” Promotional paper dolls came along with the invitation. They were designed to stand upright by inserting a piece of stiff paper into a notch in the pedestal. This procedure seemed to work only temporarily, then the doll kept falling over. Perhaps the heels were too round.

AUCTION: Tadao auctioned off a dress, loudly muttering about “La Cage Aux LASFS.” Ed auctioned one of our mutant LASFS lemons that was shaped like a priapic frog. There was also a complicated auction of the right to rename tonight’s “announcements” segment as “Marty.”

MARTY: Allan Rothstein martied that Bill Warren would have a book signing Saturday at Dangerous Visions. His new book is The Evil Dead Companion. He’ll also sign it at Dark Galaxy in Burbank on January 20. Presumably he wasn’t invited to attend the inaugural ball. I guess the “evil dead” were the outgoing administration.

Tadao promoted Fala7con, on March 31-April 1. It costs $14.14 in advance, and $20.20 at the door. The Banquet is another $6.00. T-shirt prices will follow.

Bret Achorn talked about Cinema Anima, which specializes in showing anime you can never get in any store.

Hare Hobbs knew about a rocket company that went bankrupt. They were auctioning their rocket, with a starting bid of $50,000.00. He thought it would make a great addition to the clubhouse. Francis Hamit agreed – it’s a rocket with propellers, a kind of beanie. You know, I bet we could raise money from the club by making members pay us not to park it in front of their house.

Beckie Barber was having a Pampered Chef event at her place. Save that money, Beckie, the rocket is coming to your place next!

Joe Zeff had two marties tonight. His sister, Marcia, would be having her B’nai Mitzvah on Saturday. And he offered to give those using Windows ME to connect to the Net advice about the bugs. Speaking of bugs online, Karl Lembke had just finished adding the Year 2000 LASFS minutes to the club web site. His next project will be uploading Announcement Cantor’s issues of De Profunds.

Mike Stern thanked the two people who helped move Alison into her apartment.

Charlie Jackson 2 still had Amazing Adventures subscriptions available, at a rate that would evaporate your liquid assets more slowly than if you bought each issue separately. Announcement Massoglia told more about his bookstore’s anniversary sale;.

FANNISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Mike Stern reminded people there would be a Board meeting on Sunday. “Come and see the sausage being made,” said Charlie. Charlie followed up by saying FWEMS resumes January 28. While some people would be home watching guys crash into each other, he would be showing Abbott and Costello movies. In that vein, Mike Stern offered to tell us who won the Magic Tournament and Joe Zeff answered, “I didn’t know the Doctor was in the Tournament.” In the end, Stern said, “Never mind,” and sat down faintly. Oh, by the way, Drew Sanders won.

In what Cathy suggested we call the Committee About Having a Bad Day, Hare Hobbs told about his broken tooth, about riding his bike and how many times drivers almost nailed him by opening their car door. Then his bike had a flat tire. But only on the bottom. Third base!

Francis Hamit told about a new fraud scheme in India – declaring a relative dead to inherit the person’s property. Even when he’s not dead. Apparently, it’s extremely difficult to become officially undead, er, regain legal standing as one who is actually alive. There’s a new association of people with this difficulty, led by a man who still hasn’t been able to get himself declared alive despite founding the association and running for office and winning. Of course, the skepticism is understandable – certainly in our country, where the late Mel Carnahan was just re-elected Senator from Missouri.

REVIEWS: There was time for reviews, explained Charlie Jackson 2, because tonight’s scheduled program had been postponed for a month.

Beckie Barber saw a movie twice over the Christmas holidays – What Women Want Because what women want is the lead, Mel Gibson. Beckie thought the best part was Mel trying on all the women’s products and waxing his legs. (You know, it’s hard to believe we never had a group specializing in that rent the LASFS.)

Mike Stern wanted us to know that Double Dragon is a movie so bad that it deserves recognition. “If it comes on, turn it off,” he advised. The lead bad guy in the movie has obviously read the Evil Overlords Manual and did all the “do not do’s.” Not to mention the identical twin brothers.

Mike Thorsen felt a bit more positive about Dracula 2000 – it’s not really the greatest vampire movie, but it’s the one he’s been seeing all his life. George Mulligan happily paid a pun find to tell Thorsen, “I gather what you’re saying is the new Dracula movie doesn’t suck.” As long as he was up, Mulligan recommended the book Guardians of Tomorrow, a collection of stories about the Space Patrol.

Charlie Jackson 2 said Black Scorpion is so bad it made Double Dragon look good. Charlie said the woman who has replaced Joan Severance in the sequel doesn’t look good in the outfit – she looks a bit chunky. He wished they could at least have written the characterization up to the level of, say, Nash Bridges. Charlie has now seen 16 movies on the year.

Thorsen also remembered to tell us that in Dracula 2000 we learn Dracula’s secret identity. In case we care.

After the president heroically repelled Chaz Boston Baden’s attempt to submit new business (1) at the end of the meeting (2) not in writing, and (3) without the requisite signatures, there was a heart vote of “Get out of here!” and we adjourned.

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